Not Her, But So Her. 06/08/18 2:02am

Before her. I

Mistreated her. 

Not her. But

So her. I

Visualized her.

Before her I was ready for the right girl, I

Mistreated her innocence.

Not sure how I got so lucky.

So sweet and unrealistic. She

Visualized what I couldn’t see. I

Barely thought about how to treat her right.

Mostly thought about my future.

Never put myself in her shoes.

Such a fairytale approach, kids in love.

Virtually doomed from the start.

Breaking hearts was new to me.

Many girls laughed at the idea of dating me.

No one looked at me like you did. But

Stubbornness kept us together.

Voicing my truth scared me half to death.

Because I didn’t want to be single anymore.

My choices were selfish and self centered.

No one deserved you.

Still I wanted it to work out.

Very much so for my own well being.

Boosting my ego.

Merely using your emotions as a pick me up.

Noting all that I had done good, and

Storing what I had done bad in outer space.

Viewing myself as untouchable.

Blatantly disrespecting your time and heart.

Motivating the stereotype that man aredogs.

Nuggets of truth, clouded with games.

Should’ve just taken time for me.

Victoriously fell on my own sword,

But what I won was the truth.

Miserable,

Negative,

Sorry,

Victim. And I deserved it.

Because you were perfect.

Made my life easier.

Never backed down.

Shook my world up. I

Vowed to myself you were the one.

But that wasn’t the case.

My inter coward stalled your life.

Numb,

Short,

Vanished feelings.

Bet you never thought I would be this cruel.

Multiple nights of tears.

No one but me,

Switching sides over night and

Ventured across the country.

Because before her. I

Mistreated her. 

Not her. But

So her. I

Visualized her.

And lost it all.

Speaking to You 04/26/18 3:38pm

Woke up with tears in my eyes 

Dreams had my head in the skies

Mourning is a crazy thing

It’s never really done. 

2015 you left, 

Yet I’m speaking to you still,

Crying for you still

You and grandma’s character and personalities were exactly the way they were. It scaried me. I’m still in shock and confused if it was a dream or you really speaking to me.

Those Lyrics 05/09/18 1:32pm

These lyrics are stuck in my head and they remind me of you. “I’ve been so many places in seen so many things but none quite as delectable as you” and it’s true. Haven’t been able to write poems or a song for a hot minute but the second that you came around it all changed. “Butterflies, they feel my guts when I look in your eyes. A heart that’s Young is filled with sweet surprise. Only the innocent can sympathize.” Walter Martin plays on the speaker.... and I can relate. I just smiled as I wrote that. Those lyrics must not be true, because I’m nowhere near innocent; yet I’m feeling those butterflies. “I know what we have to do. You let go and I’ll let go too, because no one loves you like I do and no one ever will”. Breathless yet full of energy. Hopeless yet hopeful. Scared yet excited. Nervous but sturdy as the Hoover dam. “We can lose control baby don’t say no! Heaven only knows” what’s in store for our future.

No One Teaches you that 03/11/18 3:36am

I wrote a song named dream and I remember crying as the lyrics came to me. I cried because I wanted those dreams to come true so bad. I would do anything. But more and more I’m scared that I’m making the wrong decisions. The older I get I feel like I get more discouraged. No One teaches you that. I’m plagued by these old fashion thoughts that crying is weak but All I want to do is cry. 

Melt into the Future 03/09/2018 2:48am

When you know you know sooo... That’s why I’m here with you today. I woke up today with a smile on my face because I knew that being sad would be a waste of my time. I hope after this talk I can open your eyes to the possibility of a lifetime of walks in the park. For the longest time I was too afraid of the outcome of this conversation, but I’m willing to make a reservation at your favorite restaurant if you would have me. What do you say? You and I create something special. You and I quit living in a world where we aren’t together. You and i laugh at the past and melt into the future. I say you and I because to me there is no one else in the world. I don’t care about anything but your goals. How can I help. I understand if you have doubts. I can’t support myself financially, but I’m the guy who actually will make it up to you. So what should we do, because I’m done with not having you. 


😊 How’s a 7:30 reservation sound for your heart?

The Ex-Factor is You 02/01/2018 11:38pm

It could all be so simple, but you’d rather make it hard. That’s the last thing you said 

and it’s playing on repeat in your head constantly. How could you say that.

How could you push someone away because you are scared. It’s new, that’s ok. No need to self destruct. Breathe, believe in something. Build a new bridge and give your heart. Care like you never have before, cry and never wipe away the tears because those tears are there to remind you that you are a fighter and you believe in this foreign language. Rosetta Stone doesn’t have a tape for this. It’s up to you to study. Listen. Believe that no one loves you more then her. And no one ever will. Scream inside, push the boundaries. Let go and watch the flood gates catch you. Try to walk away and notice that pull on your shoulders guiding you in the proper direction. You can’t be with no one else. Don’t hurt yourself because it’s crazy to believe that she isn’t there for you. She cares for you, she’s there for you, She gives to you, she cries for you, she would die for you but you need to convince her to Live for you. This is crazy. I know what I’ve got to do. No matter how you think it will go, there’s always room to learn and grow. And if You start to walk away, just calm yourself; she is worth that step. It could all be so simple. Let go.

Open your Eyes 01/24/2018 6:05PM

It’s not about me.

Everything happening inside and out.

So many things to complain about,

But it’s not about me.

Balance of the world, love and war,

Children cryin, people are poor,

But once again it’s not about me.

Nothings more true,

And here is something new.

It’s not about you neither.

It’s about us.

The best thing we can do is appreciate life,

Because it isn’t promised.

Times are hard, but I’d take my life right now, in this moment over anything else. 

Smile.

Wave to your neighbors.

The only person who can affect your mood is you.

Control the things that you can. 

And open your eyes...

That Face Loves Me 01/11/2018 2:20am

You sit.

I sit.

No matter where or what we get.

You say.

I listen.

I pay attention.

We talk.

I hear you, I understand but more and more I drift away from the conversation. You think I’m uninterested, but that’s far from true. I’m crazy about you and that’s never the case. I don’t reply because I’m studying your face. 

I’ve loved and lost and those lost have stained my brain with crying faces.

Those all are in the past and I’m nervous that nothing will ever last, so you go on and talk talk talk.

I’ll admire your face.

That face I see everyday right beside me. That face that motivates my every step. That face that pushed me out into the world and helped me discover just what kind of man I strive to be. That face that loves me. I want to memorize that face and cherish that face and make that face apart of my life forever. I’ll always have that wonderful face in my mind to remind me just why I’m alive. 

Talk talk talk. I hear you and I understand. I just needed some time to memorize your face.

Dating on Jupiter. 11/28/2017 7:20PM

So alone in this busy room.

Over the hill, ready to consume.

Usual Suspects behind pretty smiles.

Thorough explanations, long list for miles.

Happy, then sad. Good, then bad.

Eager for more, just wanna live for a tad.

Real life hurts, but movies pay the bill.

Never able to slow down and chill.

Caught by surprise, I can’t believe my eyes.

A girl just for me. No games, no lies.

Laughed at the old me, BOY did I suck.

It’s refreshing to step outside and embrace this luck.

Forgot how easy it is to walk in these shoes.

Only memories of pain and sex created the blues.

Running around and fell soo hard.

No sore, no scar. Logic you can disregard.

Insta Post, Facebook status, Pinterest pin.

Another one on the list, Another one to end.

Lost again, lonely room, wondering why.

Over the hill, ready to consume, but why.

Vicious circle, should stop asking why.

Everything will work out, Just reach for the sky.

Just For Me 12/6/2017 4:36am

I love my Godbabies! I have three.

1-2-3, Zoey, Eliza, Lola, those are my girls.

Hopefully some day I’ll be able to give them the world.

1-2-3, those girls were made just for me.

to adore,

to learn,

to change. 

It’s strange, I didn’t have any signal or warnings,

But now when I wake up I see their faces every morning.

1-2-3, they’re just cute as can be. 

They make me laugh,

The make me cry,

They open my eyes to everything around me.

Crazy that I’m talking about somebody else’s kids. 

They don’t share no blood with me. 

But, See we are linked by a brother from another mother. 

With VERY different beliefs, 

but we both believe you treat friends like family.

1-2-3, my babies are all I need. 

I was smiling while i wrote this. 

And I bet myself I’d be smiling during My reading to y’all.

See, all year long I’ve had a system to fall asleep. 

When I’m in bed I always count my blessings Instead of sheep.

And for me, those blessings always starts with, 1-2-3

"I'm Blue For You" Nov 7th. 12:42am

It's always you that come to mind. Your smile, your eyes, it's stuck on rewind. Replay then pause, and do it again. I could talk all day but I don't even know where to begin. It's clear to me what's next, what's true. But also I somehow don't have a clue. It's you, yet this is still new. I'm up, I'm down, I'm red, I'm Blue. For you, just you, And then all of them. My first, My past, my last, my best, my thrill, my curse, my dream, my next. What's that? You? Or just me...alone. Unmotivated, under appreciated, over confident, lost. Very obvious I have to work on me more. With that said, my hand is inches from knocking on your door. 

Soon.

I Can See It Clearly 2:54pm 10/19/2017

Today I had a vision.

It took me to another universe.

Maybe in the future, maybe in my head, but it was so clear I could smell you. I could feel your arms around my neck as we looked into each other's eyes. You were magnificent. You made me feel like a high school kid living his dream. Dating the queen. Dating the perfect person for me. Others may push you to the side or break your heart because you are intimidating or smarter or prettier then them, but not me. You are everything I've ever asked for and more. Not sure how this happened. Not sure how I found you or you found me, but WOW.   During this vision I saw you reading a book in my room and I smiled so big that I felt my cheeks ache. 

I eventually snapped out of the vision, but I hope that vision becomes a reality soon.

"A Master of None" 10:25PM 10/11/2017

I find myself wondering about the future a lot. Don't care to push to develop the plot. Sad in the corner thinking who is the one? Noticing more and more that I'm a master of none. I sing and I act but I'm too hard on myself. Always imagining what's it's like with wealth. Money, money, money. That's the way the song goes. Totally over just chasing random hoes. No fun when it's not sincere. No trust is my biggest fear. Just finished my beer, now I want to disappear.  Great set, yet I'm alone and defeated. Love is needed. Motivation, inspiration.

Always been able to pump up my tude, But lately I've been rather rude to myself. Whose got the juice, why not set my animal loose. 

Maybe I've created an elusion that's not in my favor. 

"Reaching for the stars" 08/26/2017 2:16pm

You are the moon of my life.

Actually the sun.

Nothing shines as bright.

Nothing feels more right.

Tired of the stars so far away,

I need the closest one to lighten my day.

I need the breeze blowing soft and smooth

As we toast our glasses with some of the best beer ever brewed.

Clues to choose this unicorn are blinded by the curse of being born with a passion so deep for the stage that I throw away most of my money saved. Brave they say, but very lonely. Lost in my mind. Beginning to believe it's only I who can stand this kind of life. I strive for the best for me, and a partner tends to feel less likely. Stress is on my shoulders, but it's harder to carry as I get older. Money money money it makes me more hungry to achieve what I feel will move me towards a career in the future. Not so sure, but it's called an adventure for a reason. Give it a couple of seasons and I'll be closer to that star. Hopefully soon, but for now I'll continue to stare at the moon. 

Aphrodite 08/21/17 2:03am

She's the prettiest girl I know.

I'm mesmerized each time I see the show.

I'm willing to bet she'll never know.

But just for me I needed to explain my glow.

Can't believe it took me this long to fully appreciate her ability to drop the jaws of any man within a quarter mile. Sweet personality and sex appeal so intoxcating I would swear it was 95 proof. 

Every relationship has its problems on both sides, but this girl is flawless. Her Ex-boyfriends must have Sniffed some glue or lead paint when they were younger, because she couldn't make a mistake in my worst nightmare. 

The only way I can describe my level of attraction is to tell you what I believed an angel looked like when I was a young boy. You could compare the description and it's her. 

Flawless may not be the word. Perfection is usually boring and her flaws are actually just as sexy. She has cute insecurities, and she's down to earth. I feel like she view me as an equal. She believes in me and I admire her. I believe in her and she admire me. How is that true, how could someone so gorgeous, so smart, so magnificent; adore me to? Craziness. 

I just hope that she gets what she deserves. Life sometimes just doesn't take the express way and you usually get stuck in traffic on the local streets. I hate having to slow down for the speed bumps every quarter mile. But I feel like if anyone should have to take the street it should be me. She deserves the private jet. 

I could only imagine the love I would get from a woman like that. So Strong, so loyal and passionate about her man. The future looks bright. 

Anxiety 08/20/17 3:05am

a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome

The night time is the right time for most,

But usually i sit up thinking about my next post.

Can't sleep, won't sleep, and need all the help I can get.

Thinking of random stuff like if I'll beat my little brother in a bet.

Day time is different but I still feel pressure.

Thinking of my accomplishments and wondering if my life will measure 

Up to the stratosphere of my imagination.

Trying to avoid the haters and temptation.

When will I perform, when will I hold my kid,

Will I sit back and regret the things that I did?

Am I odd, why do I feel alone?

I know that's not true, because I have hundreds of friends in my phone.

It's hard to appreciate the times as they come.

I just have to remind myself that I'm more fortunate then some.

It's a gift and a curse to be fearless at times,

Because anxiety always finds a way to chime in and heat up my chill.

I will succeed, I guess I should view anxiety as a blessing.

Without it I wouldn't pay attention to the lessons.

I wouldn't think out of the box, I wouldn't double check my approach.

I wouldn't be able except criticism, I wouldn't learn from my coach.

Broke, confidence and dumb would be my future .

At less with anxiety, my final answer is usually sure, Pure, and thought through thoroughly.

I guess what I'm saying is;

 Anxiety is a part of me.

Disgust 08/18/17 7:55pm

a feeling of revulsion or profound disapproval aroused by something unpleasant or offensive

Disgust these days is spelled a little different,

T- for trust that's has grown sour

R-for ruthless attacks ever hour

U-for uneducated believers

M-for mindless leaders

P-for possibly the best thing that could have happened for this country.

We need to talk about these disgusting things in our past, present and future. 

We need to talk and clear up the things people grew to be use to.

Racism is a problem, a sickness created through generations.

It's something that shouldn't even be possible in any of gods beautiful creations.

Speak up, speak out and listen!

Try to understand the things you are missing.

If we don't talk we will remain in the dark.

And In the dark we will always be lost.

When we are lost we can not move in the right direction. 

Turn on the light and speak.

Thank you for your Smile 08/17/17 1:00am

I find myself thinking about your smile.

I haven't felt this way in a while.

Smitten beyond repair.

No other smile will ever compare.

I'm sitting here with a scattered mind,

But your smile makes it easy to unwind.

I feel bad for those who did not see 

The love I hope to steal just for me.

I Usually can't escape my own way.

But with you I can't run out of things to say.

So pretty, so brave, so sexy, so new.

Give me 1 millions choices and I'll always choose you.

You created this path for me to walk free.

It's been so long that I'm jumping with glee.

I feel like me again.

I can finally see again.

Your smile was the key to knock down these walls.

I answer with a smile to unidentified calls.

The air smells great, and the sky's clear for miles.

Thank you soo much for bringing me that beautiful smile.

"I Only Have Eyes for You" 08/11/2017 2:54am

Blurry lights blind my eyes, But when they clear I feel alive. Birds singing, bells ringing, hearts beating, you're eyes meeting mine.

Nothing compares.

I could stare at you and not think twice about it. All day long, All night long, Replaying the same old song. Magic you are. The brightest star. Jimi's guitar. Shakespeare's Juliet and yes it is I, the one who dreams of you. The one who believes in you. The one who can't see life without you, ever. As I stare I forget where I am, who brought me here, why anything else matters. When will I get to be with you again? I miss you already. I only know one thing about my future, and its you. I know you will make me better, I know others are just feathers on a wing floating away through the air. The wind blows but you're so graceful, so sure about life. I Stare at you. I stare at my life. My Future....

Dream