How do I feel?

I’m sad man.

I thought I would have more answers, I thought that I would believe in myself the same way I did in my twenties.

I’m self conscious, I’m nervous, I look in the mirror and I judge myself harder then ever before.

I’m hurting, but when people ask me how I’m doing I say the Same thing,

I can’t complain, life is good, I’m preforming every weekend. I’m doing everything I want to.

This is all true. I’m doing everything I have dreamed of, but I’m sad.

I’m scared.

I believe that if anything goes negative, and we lose everything; it will be my fault.

I find myself taking more time to breathe these days, and I’m closer to tears then ever. I could cry now. I want to live and make a living doing something I love, but each day I feel like I’m spending money and not making money.

Maybe it truly is just my fault. Maybe I’m not cut out for all of this shit.

Why can’t I knock this.

I’ll have to get back into my Yoga, I have to get back to my meditation. I need to say good things about myself everyday. I need to be nicer to myself.

Dom is a good dude, I shouldn’t treat him like he is a piece of shit, I do it every day.

I need to stop this shit.